Superwomen? Young sporting women, temporality and learning not to be perfect

This is a sel -a chi ed e sion o an o iginal a icle. This e sion may di e om he o iginal in pagina ion and ypog aphic de ails. Au ho (s): Ti le: Yea : Ve sion: Copy igh : Righ s: Righ s u l: Please ci e he o iginal e sion: CC BY 4.0 h ps://c ea i ecommons.o g/licenses/by/4.0/ Supe women? Young spo ing women, empo ali y and lea ning no o be pe ec © The Au ho (s) 2020 Published e sion Ronkainen, Noo a J; Allen-Collinson, Jacquelyn; Agge holm, Kenne h; Ryba, Ta iana V Ronkainen, N. J., Allen-Collinson, J., Agge holm, K., & Ryba, T. V. (2021). Supe women? Young spo ing women, empo ali y and lea ning no o be pe ec . In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo , 56(8), 1137-1153. h ps://doi.o g/10.1177/1012690220979710 2021 h ps://doi.o g/10.1177/1012690220979710 In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo 1 –17 © The Au ho (s) 2020 A icle euse guidelines: sagepub.com/jou nals-pe missions DOI: 10.1177/1012690220979710 jou nals.sagepub.com/home/i s Supe women? Young spo ing women, empo ali y and lea ning no o be pe ec Noo a J Ronkainen Uni e si y o Jy äskylä, Finland Jacquelyn Allen-Collinson Uni e si y o Lincoln, UK Kenne h Agge holm No wegian School o Spo Sciences, No way Ta iana V Ryba Uni e si y o Jy äskylä, Finland Abs ac New o ms o neolibe al eminini y c ea e demanding ho izons o expec a ion o young women. Fo alen ed a hle es, hese p essu es a e in ensi ied by he es ablishmen o dual- ca ee discou ses ha cons uc he combina ion o high-pe o mance spo and educa ion as a no ma i e, ‘ideal’ pa hway. The p essed ime pe spec i e inhe en in dual-ca ee s equi es a hle es o employ a a ie y o ime- ela ed skills, especially o young women who aim o li e up o ‘supe woman’ ideals ha alo ise ‘success’ in all walks o li e. D awing on exis en ial phenomenology, and in-dep h in e iews wi h 10 alen ed Finnish spo swomen (aged 19–22), we explo ed hei expe iences o li ed ime when pu suing dual-ca ee s in uppe seconda y spo schools. Explo ing pa icipan s’ bodily expe iences o inhabi ing he achie emen li e-wo ld, we analyse how hese spo swomen ei he lea ned ways o li ing up o his ambi ious sc ip o came o unde s and he de imen al e ec s o he sc ip , necessi a ing o he ways o being. Fo hose who expe ience a disjunc u e be ween he ‘pe ec ’ and hei embodied expe ience, sel -ca e p ac ices a e needed o es o e li e-wo ld ha mony, and o ien o al e na i e u u es. Keywo ds supe woman, exis en ial phenomenology, li ed ime, women’s dual-ca ee s, iden i y Co esponding au ho : Noo a J Ronkainen, Depa men o Psychology, Uni e si y o Jy äskylä, Ma ilanniemi 6, Kä ki, PL 35, FI- 40014 Jy äskylä, Finland. Email: [email p o ec ed] 979710IRS0010.1177/1012690220979710In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo Ronkainen e al. esea ch-a icle2020 Resea ch A icle 2 In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo 00(0) In addi ion o he e e -inc easing physiological and psychological demands associa ed wi h high-pe o mance spo , oday’s alen ed a hle es also ace inc easing socie al expec a ions no only o comple e, bu also o excel in educa ion. Some s udies ha e ound ha adolescen a hle es achie e be e esul s han hei non-a hle e pee s a school (Jonke e al., 2009), challenging he ‘dumb jock’ s e eo ypes s ill p e alen in he USA (Wininge and Whi e, 2008). Al hough in US collegia e spo , ‘dual ca ee s’ ( he combina ion o spo and educa ion) ha e long been es ablished, in he Eu opean con ex , poli ical ac ions o p omo e hese ca ee s a e ela i ely ecen . A e he Eu opean Commission published i s Dual Ca ee Guidelines o A hle es (Eu opean Commission, 2012), esea ch and policy ini ia i es ha e inc eased apidly; o example, he Finnish Olympic Commi ee s a es on i s websi e ha ‘Dual Ca ee is he Finnish spo sys em’s alue choice’ (h ps://www.olympiakomi ea. i/huippu-u heilu/u heilu- aka emiaohjelma/kaksoisu a/). This c ea es addi ional expec a ions o eli e a hle es o achie e e en mo e wi hin he ela i ely sho du a ion o hei a hle ic ca ee s. As a consequence o he ‘p essed ime’ pe spec i e ha cha ac e ises dual ca ee a hle es’ li es (Bu lo e al., 2018), esea ch (pa icula ly in spo psychology) has emphasised he cen ali y o ime- ela ed skills (using ime e icien ly, ca ee planning, goal se ing) in c ea ing sus ainable dual ca ee s (Pe ez-Ri ases e al., 2020). Resea ch indica es a gende ed pa e ning o dual ca ee s, bo h in he USA (Dilley- Knoles e al., 2010; O’Conno , 2019) and Eu ope (Sk ubbel ang e al., 2018). I appea s ha young spo ing women a e o en mo e commi ed o combining spo ing and edu- ca ional goals and iden i ies han a e spo ing men. Despi e he g owing p o essionali- sa ion o women’s oo ball (socce ) in B i ain, many young playe s also in es in academic excellence (Ha ison e al., 2020). In his la e s udy, one emale pa icipan explained: ‘I wan ed o do eally well in uni, I didn’ wan o go he e and jus pass, you know I s ill wan a i s . And hen again wi h socce , I wan o do he bes ha I can’ (Ha ison e al., 2020: 16). Despi e he g ow h o women’s spo , howe e , he e emains a s agge ing s uc u al inequali y o oppo uni y ha limi s women’s social agency in de eloping a p o essional a hle ic ca ee . Fo example, in Finland whe e we conduc ed he p esen s udy, only 1.6% o he coun y’s p o essional a hle es in 2017 we e women (h ps://kihu. i/a ioin i-ja-seu an a/amma iu heilijoiden-maa a- asaisessa-kas ussa/). These numbe s show ha e y ew women ha e he p i ilege ini ially o cons uc a single ca ee ocused on spo , and dual-ca ee discou ses migh be pa icula ly ele an o young women, o whom i is mo e o a necessi y o channel hei de elopmen along hese wo acks. Recen schola ship also aises he ques ion o whe he we a e wi nessing a ‘ eminisa- ion’ o dual-ca ee discou ses (Ryba, 2018). This links o b oade discussions su ound- ing he ‘ eminiza ion’ o educa ion (Lea hwood and Read, 2008). As Skel on (2002) emphasised, howe e , simply ha ing a g ea e numbe o women in educa ion se ings (e.g. in he ole o eache s) does no necessa ily make hese en i onmen s ‘ eminised’. Fu he mo e, linking masculini y and eminini y i mly and unp oblema ically o male and emale bodies neglec s how women can also ‘do’ masculini y (Wes and Zimme man, 1987). Spo swomen o en cons uc iden i ies emphasising oughness and independence, hus posi ioning hemsel es as opposi ional o cons uc ions o ‘emphasised eminini y’ (Connell and Messe schmid , 2005). The ‘ideal’ s uden -a hle e is o en cons i u ed Ronkainen e al. 3 h ough masculinised discou ses: she is cons uc ed as highly au onomous, sel -con iden , manages ime e icien ly, and is in con ol o he a e (Bu lo e al., 2018). The eme ging li e a u e on emale dual-ca ee a hle es indica es ha many migh embody ‘ he pe ec ’ lei mo i o con empo a y eminini y ha cap u es ‘a heigh ened o m o sel - egula ion based on an aspi a ion o some idea o he “good li e”’ (McRobbie, 2015: 9). Fo ms o new (whi e, middle-class) eminini ies cons uc ed in he 21s cen u y ha e also been coined by US schola s as, espec i ely: he ‘Fu u e Gi l’ (Ha is, 2004), ‘Alpha Gi l’ (Kindlon, 2007) and ‘Success ul Gi l’ (Ring ose, 2007). These new indi- idualis ic eminini ies a e compa ible wi h many key elemen s o wha Hughes and Coakley (1991) coined ‘ he spo e hic’, such as high ambi ion, s i ing o dis inc ion, isk- aking, and e using o accep ex e nal limi s. Indeed, a hle ic achie emen (some- hing ha is de alued in hose o ms o ‘ideal’ eminini y whe e bodily wo h is ied o how he body looks, as opposed o wha i can do) can occupy a cen al ole in hese ‘new’ gi ls’/women’s sel -cons uc ion. As Azza i o (2010: 266) no ed, ‘bo h he Alpha and he Fu u e Gi l emblema ically ep esen new eminini ies, sel -made, ambi ious and independen gi ls, o whom spo and ca ee pa hs a e he mos impo an a eas o sel - de ini ion and o success in socie y’. In e es ingly, schola s ha e no ed ha some e - sions o he ideal – such as he my h o a Finnish supe woman – ha e exis ed in cul u al imagina ions o many cen u ies (Lie zén e al., 2015). As Lie zén e al. (2015) no ed, he Finnish supe woman my h has been ied o wha hey desc ibe as ‘ he my hical Finnish model’ whe e equali y is achie ed by economic independence h ough educa ion. Al hough Alpha and Fu u e gi ls migh claim agency, esis ic imisa ion and e use ca ego isa ion as ‘ he second sex’ (De Beau oi , 1972), a emp s o li e up o hese new ambi ious eminini ies can also come a g ea pe sonal cos s. As McRobbie (2015: 4) no ed, ‘ he idea o he pe ec is bo h pa o emale “common sense”. . . and also some- hing po en ially dange ous, a mechanism unleashing new wa es o sel -ha m’. Resea ch indica es ha endo sing he ‘supe woman’ ideal can cons i u e a isk ac o o diso - de ed ea ing (Mensinge e al., 2007), wi h inc easing numbe s o young women expe i- encing in ensi ied body-anxie y and e en body-disdain (McRobbie, 2015). Whe he and how aspi ing young women can ma ch hei li ed expe ience o hese ideals in he wo ld o eli e spo is p oblema ic, o : ‘despi e s ong dedica ion, pe ec ion is unob ainable and ailu e ine i able’ (Rode ick, 2014: 143), and p essu es o gi e a ‘pe ec ’ pe o - mance, bo h on s age and backs age, a e in ense (Rode ick and Allen-Collinson, 2020). Despi e he li e a u e on he new eminini ies and hei mani es a ions in popula cul- u e, he e is a pauci y o esea ch on how hese eminini ies a e ac ually ‘li ed and el ’ and made meaning ul in aspi ing spo ing women’s li e-wo lds. Building on McRobbie’s (2015) no ion o ‘ he pe ec ’, we ocus he e on p e-eli e s uden -a hle es, o explo e wha i is like o pu sue excellence in bo h spo and educa ion, and wha happens i young women’s expe iences ail o align wi h he idea o pe ec ion. D awing on exis en- ial phenomenological insigh s, including empo ali y as a undamen al componen o human expe ience, we explo e he na u e o li ed ime in young women’s dual ca ee s when hey ‘li e up o’, s uggle o li e up o, o abandon he cul u al ideal o he pe ec . The a icle con ibu es o sociological unde s andings o young spo ing women’s sub- jec i i ies in an e a o high-achie ing young ‘supe women’, and he salien ole o li ed ime in s uc u ing he li e-wo lds o achie emen (and ‘ ailu e’). 4 In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo 00(0) Phenomenological pe spec i es and li ed ime The e a e many, complex s ands o phenomenology, some o which we ha e cha ed in ou wo k on spo ing embodimen (e.g. Allen-Collinson, 2009, 2011a). In add essing wha he pe cei ed as he inadequacies o scien i ic, ‘objec i e’ s udies o human exis - ence, Husse l (1983), he ounde o mode n phenomenology, sough o ques ion e e y- day ‘common-sense’ as well as scien i ic habi s o hough ha le unques ioned ex an assump ions and p esupposi ions ega ding phenomena. To iden i y and e eal he essence o eidos o a phenomenon, Husse l (1983: 6) ad oca ed he adop ion o he phe- nomenological a i ude, engaging in he epochē (a o m o b acke ing), empo a ily o s ep back om he phenomenon o in e es , and challenge he e e yday hinking o he ‘na u al a i ude’. Whils di e ging om ‘pu e’ philosophical phenomenology, o ms o mo e ‘sociologised’ phenomenology acknowledge and subjec o analy ic a en ion he wide- anging and undamen al e ec s on li ed expe ience o social-s uc u al posi ion and o he sociological a iables (see Allen-Collinson, 2011b). Phenomenology in o med by sociological and/o eminis c i iques is hus well-placed o p o ide a powe ul lens on spo ing women’s li ed expe iences as si ua ed wi hin a pa icula his o ical social s uc u e (e.g. Allen-Collinson, 2011b; Chisholm, 2008). In phenomenological hough , ime is no an objec o con aine , bu in insic o human exis ence and he e y condi ion o i o be meaning ul a all. Gallaghe and Zaha i (2008) cla i ied Husse l’s accoun o empo ali y whe e any conscious ac is s uc u ed by e en ion and p o en ion, which make i possible o us o ecollec pas expe iences and build expec a ions o he u u e. Cen al o many phenomenological accoun s o expe ience a e he speci ic ways we expe ience ime subjec i ely, as wha has been e med du ée, he p esen momen o subjec i e expe ience (Schü z, 1967). We migh expe ience ime as ‘ex ending’, o example, pa icula ly du ing pain ul, di icul , o challenging spo ing expe iences (Allen-Collinson, 2003). Such expe iences, pa ic- ula ly du ing pe iods o pain, su e ing o inju y (and ehabili a ion), ha e been socio- logically analysed om an emo ion-wo k and in e ac ional pe spec i e by Allen-Collinson (2003) in ela ion o dis ance unning and ‘li ed ime’/du ée. As she highligh s (2003: 341), du ing mo e enjoyable o pleasu able spo ing expe iences, whe e he body is pe o ming wi h ela i e ease and we eel ‘on op o ou game’, we may expe ience wha Lede (1990) has e med ‘ empo al cons ic ion’ when ime seems o pass swi ly and e o lessly. Be ween hese wo empo al poles o ‘speeds’ lies wha we migh hink o as ‘objec i e’ ime, whe e ou expe ience la gely cohe es wi h clock- ime o calenda ime. Schü z (1967: 57) eminded us ha he p esen con ains he u u e, as ‘e e y ac ion is a spon aneous ac i i y o ien ed owa d he u u e’. In ou e e yday exis ence, ou ac i i- ies show up as aci ly meaning ul because we an icipa e hey lead o some hing; s udy- ing o exams leads o g adua ion, and spo s aining leads o a e ined skill, imp o ed endu ance, and so o h. In Heidegge ’s (1962) hough , all ou expe iences a e s uc- u ed as possibili ies: we cons an ly leap ahead o ou sel es o wha is ‘no ye ’. Human li es a e made meaning ul h ough choosing p ojec s and commi ing o hem (Adams, 2006), wi h a li e p ojec in eli e spo as one speci ically o ien ed owa ds pe ec ion (B ei ik, 2010). Ronkainen e al. 5 Finally, while exis en ial phenomenology p o ides a backd op o unde s anding sub- jec i e ime, eminis phenomenological schola s ha e eminded ha empo al a une- men is shaped by gende (Schües, 2011). As Schües (2011: 75) no ed: No ha he hinking i sel can be ega ded as ‘ ypically’ male o emale, bu he ba leg ound be ween pas and u u e is pe sonal, and hence emale o male in i s conc e e sense. . . he emembe ing, bu also he an icipa ing a e speci ically gende ed; when I emembe mysel I canno emembe jus a neu al pe son. I always emembe mysel as a gi l o as a woman in a pa icula con ex and in speci ic ela ions. In he cu en s udy, we app oach he no ion o he ‘pe ec ’ as a la gely in isible backg ound ame o e e ence ha shapes young spo ing women’s a unemen o he wo ld. The ‘pe ec ’ can be concei ed as a pa icula ype o u u ing ha shapes young spo ing women’s a unemen o hei li e p ojec s, un il, o some eason, hey a e unable o li e up o he ideal. Me hods This esea ch builds upon longi udinal quali a i e da a, ga he ed o he Finnish Longi udinal Dual Ca ee S udy (Ryba e al., 2016), which has ollowed he li e cou se and s o ies o 18 p omising Finnish you h a hle es (10 women) pa icipa ing in he na ional alen de elopmen p og amme. The s udy commenced a he s a o pa icipan s’ jou - neys in uppe -seconda y spo schools (age a baseline: 15–16) and ocused on explo ing subjec i e meanings o u ning poin s and li e ansi ions in hese young people’s de el- opmen al ajec o ies. The longi udinal da a we e used o gain a deep unde s anding o pa icipan s’ li e-wo lds, and o design he cu en s udy in which NJR conduc ed a six h ound o in e iews (T6). Analysis o he ea lie da a-se s iden i ied ‘ he supe woman’ as one cons i u i e discu si e esou ce ha shaped pa icipan s’ sense-making o hei li es (Ryba e al., 2020). In he cu en a icle, we ocus pu ely on he young women’s s o ies, wi h esul s based solely on T6. Conduc ing phenomenologically o ien ed esea ch equi es openness, cu iosi y and challenging ou aken- o -g an ed amilia i y wi h phenomena (Allen-Collinson, 2009; McNa y e al., 2020a). In ou s udy, he in e iewe (NJR) pa icipa ed in a b acke ing in e iew wi h TVR o challenge he assump ions abou women’s spo ing li e-wo lds. We also conduc ed a pilo in e iew wi h a alen ed emale a hle e who was no pa o he longi udinal s udy, o gain eedback and e lec on he design o he in e iew. All au ho s con ibu ed o de eloping he in e iew ques ions o in i e pa icipan s o desc ibe in ich de ail hei expe iences. We we e pa icula ly a uned o he el senses o con inui y and discon inui y o you h a hle es’ li e-wo lds and how hey alked abou he pas , p esen and u u e. No es we e aken h oughou he p ocess o keep ack o ou e ol ing unde s anding o how he young women nego ia ed he ‘pe ec ’ cul u al sc ip in making li e choices and pu suing hei p ojec s. Phenomenologically-inspi ed esea ch equi es pa icipan s o desc ibe in ich de ail hei expe ience (McNa y e al., 2020a). Since young people some imes s uggle o exp ess complica ed unde s andings, we used c ea i e non- ic ion igne es as a da a 6 In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo 00(0) collec ion me hod o aid e lec ion (see Ba e and Renold, 2000). These po ayed wo a hle es’ jou neys (women’s s o ies o women/men’s s o ies o men) h ough an uppe - seconda y spo school, o encou age he in e iewees o e lec on hei jou neys, a i- udes and expe iences o being a alen ed s uden -a hle e. These igne es po ayed a collec ion o discon inuous expe iences iden i ied om da a gene a ed by he p e ious in e iews unde aken in he longi udinal esea ch. These expe iences co e ed: he an- si ion o uppe -seconda y school, a con lic be ween school and spo , a b eak-up wi h a gi l iend/boy iend, pe o ming o e expec a ions, con lic wi h pa en s, being aban- doned by a coach, ansi ioning o he senio spo , se ious inju y and disengagemen om spo . Th ough he use o igne es as an addi ional ool o in i e e lec ion, we sough o lea n mo e abou how pa icipan s we e a uned o and na iga ed h ough he mul iple demands o hei li e-wo lds (including in educa ion, spo and ela ionships). The in e iews we e conduc ed in Finnish and las ed be ween 73 and 90 min (mean 84 min). Se en pa icipan s we e in e iewed ace- o- ace and, gi en he geog aphical dis- pe sion o pa icipan s, h ee we e in e iewed ia SkypeTM. A e ansc ip ions we e comple ed, NJR coded and s a ed o hema ically analyse he ansc ip s, no ing key expe iences and he meanings pa icipan s assigned o hem. We hen iden i ied mo e gene al pa e ns and he empo al s uc u e unde pinning pa - icipan s’ accoun s ha shape expe ien ial eali ies. The co-au ho s, all wi h subs an ial expe ience o wo king wi hin exis en ial-phenomenological and/o eminis -phenome- nological me hodological app oaches, we e in ol ed in de eloping and con es ing in e - p e a ions and de eloping phenomenologically-sensi i e eadings o he da a. In ou da a analysis, we iden i ied h ee ‘ideal ypes’ o young spo ing women: hose who we e ‘li ing up o he pe ec ’, ‘s uggling o be pe ec ’ and ‘di ching he pe ec ideal’. As wi h o he schola s who ha e d awn on he no ion o ‘ideal ypes’ (e.g. Ow on and Allen-Collinson, 2016), we acknowledge ha all 10 pa icipan s’ accoun s do no nea ly i in o one ca ego y o pa e n. All pe sonal s o ies ha e hei nuances and com- plexi ies; howe e , all accoun s had a dominan pa e n ha ell wi hin one o hese h ee ypes. To p ese e a ich sense o young women’s subjec i e expe iences, we po ay hese ideal ypes h ough h ee indi idual a hle es’ accoun s (‘Ka i’, ‘Jaana’ and ‘Nea’; all names a e pseudonyms). These h ee young women po ayed he mos ep esen a i e cases o he ypes iden i ied in he da a. Focusing on h ee illus a i e cases, a he han including quo es om all pa icipan s, has he ad an age o p ese ing a ich sense o he i s -pe son pe spec i e and he empo al s uc u e ha is cen al o phenomenological hough , while also showing complexi ies and con adic ions o li ed expe ience. Resul s: h ee women’s accoun s Li ing up o he pe ec ideal The i s o ou ideal ypes is ep esen ed h ough Ka i, who, a he beginning o he longi udinal esea ch, had exp essed he ambi ion o become a collegia e swimme , o compe e in he Olympics, and become a lawye . She ema ks: ‘my mum jus said ha in he se en h g ade I was si ing in he ca and saying ha I will go and s udy in he USA’. Ronkainen e al. 7 A he end o uppe -seconda y school, Ka i appea s o be ‘on ack’ wi h he li e plan: she has g adua ed wi h excellen g ades and ecei ed an a hle ic schola ship o he USA. Howe e , no e e y hing has ollowed a nea , linea p og ession: las season’s pe o - mance was di icul , and she was disappoin ed wi h some o he ma icula ion exam esul s. Recalling a disappoin ing pe o mance in he na ional swimming championships, Ka i e lec s: I was a big disappoin men . . . I am a compe i o and i ’s us a ing when I eel I canno use my po en ial. . . [Bu ] I I ge disappoin ed badly. . . I o ge abou i quickly. I don’ con inue umina ing abou i . In o ien ing he sel o a hle ic excellence, Ka i is making selec i e engagemen s wi h he pas in o de o in o m he p esen and u u e. While disappoin men s apidly become a o go en pas , o he , epea ed successes become he embodied ancho o sel -con idence: I am a pe son o ou ine. I always wake up o mo ning aining a he same ime and do e e y hing in he same o de . . . I I epea some hing, I ge a lo o sel -con idence om ha . I some hing goes well once, I am: ‘okay’. Do i h ee mo e imes and i i goes well he ou h ime, hen i gi es me a lo o sel -con idence. Then I know ha i will also go well he nex ime. Ka i’s s o ying is shaped by con empo a y neolibe al discou ses o gi lhood/woman- hood, whe e emale subjec i i y is cons uc ed as powe ul, con iden and in con ol (Azza i o, 2010). Howe e , besides hese discu si e esou ces, she also d aws on he own embodied knowledge ga ne ed om pas successes, o g ound he con idence and in o m he ‘ u u ing’. As such, he a unemen o he li e-wo ld is cons i u ed by a sense o becoming, and she d aws on pas expe iences as a esou ce o imagining a b igh and p omising u u e. Despi e he high ambi ions, Ka i explains ha she does no need o be pe ec e e y day. Re lec ing on he ma icula ion exams, she ecalls: E e y hing jus wen e y well. I didn’ no ice being e y s essed ou . I had a s udy plan and i I didn’ ha e he ene gy o s udy some days, I didn’ s ess ou abou ha ei he . . . Also aining wen well. [And] when i wen badly [I didn’ hink], ‘oh no, now I mus ain e y ha d’. . . I could main ain a a ional app oach o aining. When asked o elabo a e on why and how she has been able o succeed, Ka i ci es possessing se e al ime- ela ed skills o en p omo ed in con empo a y dual-ca ee dis- cou ses. She exp esses being skill ul in ime ‘managemen ’ as well as planning and goal- se ing, seeking o demons a e ha she is in con ol o ime, has ime and also makes ime. She con inues: I unde s and ha I can say no o some hings. Some imes I eel ha my iends keep p omising oo many hings and hen hey cancel because hey no ice ha i ’s oo much. . . I ha e lea ned o manage my ime and s ick o my plans. 8 In e na ional Re iew o he Sociology o Spo 00(0) In many pa s o he accoun , Ka i’s o ien a ion o he li e p ojec s seems almos mechanis ic: she s icks o ou ines, s ays a ional in momen s o disappoin men , has a schedule o s udying and aining, and main ains he long- e m dual-ca ee goals. Howe e , a i al elemen o he commi men o spo , o which she o en e e s, is he embodied sensa ion o ‘ eeling good now’ and in- he-momen when she is swimming: ‘I hink i is impo an o enjoy wha you do’. She goes on o desc ibe why she is d awn o swimming in pa icula : I hink he bes hing abou swimming is when you ge o ain. Somehow i is jus cool. . . Some o he people like i when aining is o e and hey’ e like ‘wow, I’ e done some hing’. Bu o me, he bes sensa ion is be o e a ha d aining session when you eel a bi anxious. And du ing he session, when you eel he lac ic acid, bu i is jus , like, I ha e o keep going. The e is some hing abou ha . Ka i’s commen s abo e esona e s ongly wi h esea ch by McNa y e al. (2020a, 2020b) ha simila ly demons a es he ‘emb acing’ and no malisa ion o sus ained ‘ha d aining’ in pe o mance swimming, as pa o he ‘endu ance wo k’ (Allen-Collinson e al., 2018; McNa y e al., 2020a) ha cha ac e ises many spo s equi ing a le el o endu ance and ole ance o hea y aining loads. Ka i admi s ha he e a e some days when she is eeling a igued, bu hen she eminds he sel ha ‘in he end, you a e doing his o you sel ’. He ‘no mal’ days a e ‘good’ days when she goes o he swimming pool ‘ o a couple o hou s, o do you own hing’. The e o e, swimming is amed agen ically as being pa o he ‘own’ ime, some hing she wan s o do, and no wha she has o do. Ka i is among wo o 10 emale s uden -a hle es in ol ed in he longi udinal s udy, who sus ained a dual-ca ee h oughou uppe -seconda y school and in o highe educa- ion. He s o y shows a selec i e and skill ul engagemen wi h he successes and ailu es o he pas and embodied pleasu es o he ‘now’ o in o m he iew o a b igh and suc- cess ul – i no necessa ily pe ec – u u e. He long- e m plan and sense o ‘becoming’ allow he o main ain a sense o ha mony o he li e-wo ld (Ja is, 2007) despi e momen s o disappoin men and ailu e. Ra he han me ely chasing a emo e d eam o he u u e, howe e , she also s ays g ounded in he p esen , ‘owns’ he ime, and inds immedia e pleasu e om he daily engagemen wi h swimming. As we go on o conside nex , Ka i’s expe ien ial eali ies s and in s a k con as o hose o o he young women who s uggle o be pe ec . S uggling o be pe ec The second o ou ideal ypes is ep esen ed h ough Jaana who was, a he ime o he in e iew, pu suing uni e si y educa ion and aiming o es a an a hle ic ca ee in a h- le ics ha had been dis up ed due o inju ies and p oblems wi h he coach. 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